


The Price of a Voice

by bmw4fh1017



Series: After the Winter Soldier [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 08:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20132500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bmw4fh1017/pseuds/bmw4fh1017
Summary: After years of being quiet about their family, Steve and Bucky finally open up to the world





	1. Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A two chapter story regarding Bucky and Steve and their almost one year old.   
Originally thought as a one chapter story, but the beginning had a much different tone compared to the rest of the story and thought two chapters would be best.

Steve Rogers was a private man. Not that anyone would believe it. Even before the serum he let his fists do the talking for him. Bucky had suggested, more than a few times, that actually talking may work better.

But it wasn’t just that. As Captain America, he never needed the spotlight. He just wanted to go out and do what was right, and then go back to his own life with the knowledge that he had done his job.

Bucky wanted him to take they glory; said he deserved it. Steve had noticed and stood up to every injustice in Brooklyn and all anyone else saw was weak arms, skinny legs and lungs full of asthma.

Steve would always shrug and say he was raised to keep his voice down. With a single mom and too many ailments to count, running his mouth would never get him anywhere in life. Sarah Rogers taught him to prove his worth through actions, not words. Boy did she regret her own teachings. Patching Steve up after fights just became part of her job; a job Bucky took over after she passed.

But it was this lesson which allowed Steve Rogers to quietly date his best friend and fellow male, Bucky Barnes, starting in 1933. So it couldn’t be all bad.

In the twenty-first century Steve was expected to be the voice of well, everyone. The Avengers, veterans, Americans in general. And once he officially announced his relationship to the former Winter Soldier in 2014, he was invited to every pride event under the sun.

He declined them all.

Not that he had no interest in supporting them. He donated an ass load of money to the LGBT+ community every year. But this was his family he would be parading around; his Bucky.

And Bucky deserved his privacy. It was a definitive answer after Steve saw the clip on the internet of a pale, stiff Bucky accepting an award from the president as the world’s longest held POW was welcomed home. No one had said anything bad, surprisingly, but Steve couldn’t risk it.

His opinions changed when they brought home Tessa. He was officially not an Avenger. Not a super hero. Just someone who worked for SHIELD’s communications division. A representative of sorts. So when an LGBT+ community from DC invited the super soldiers to discuss the process of adoption a month before their daughters’ first birthday, the couple happily agreed.

It was a sunny day in Washington DC and Steve must’ve applied three coats of sunblock on Tessa before 10 am. Dressed in a sundress, sunglasses and red, white and blue sandals, she was given a personal tour of the city from their fathers, who had resumed an eighty-two-year relationship in the Nation’s capital.

At about two in the afternoon, the Rogers-Barnes family took a modestly decorated stage in front of a crowd of people who were waiting for Captain America to share his story which was far less super compared to others he had told, but just as inspiring.

Bucky sat at the back of the stage with Tessa, doing his best to keep her entertained while still paying attention to Steve. He wasn’t even acknowledged until about 20 minutes into the question segment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if that I don't have the most recent name for the LGBT+ community (I'm kind of out of the loop). I did my best to hit the basic four, but will change it if requested.


	2. Confessing the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At about two in the afternoon, the Rogers-Barnes family took a modestly decorated stage in front of a crowd of people who were waiting for Captain America to share his story which was far less super as some others but just as inspiring. 
> 
> Bucky sat at the back of the stage with Tessa, doing his best to keep her entertained while still paying attention to Steve. He wasn’t even acknowledged until about 20 minutes into the question segment.

A woman in her twenties stepped up to microphone, “I have a question for Bucky.”

“Oh,” Bucky startled, “I’m not here to, um, talk. I’m just here for the um, you know, moral support.”

Steve smiled and guided Bucky to the center of the stage, “It’s fine, Buck. You’ll do great.” He handed Bucky the microphone in exchange for Tessa who looked up at Steve while sucking on her pacifier; obviously angry that someone took her away from Bucky.

Bucky looked down at the microphone, took a deep breath and looked back at the crowd of people ahead of him.

“I uh…I guess I’m ready for your question,” Bucky squeaked out. He coughed into his fist as his face turned red, he was definitely too old for a voice crack to be excusable.

“What was going through your head when you first brought Tessa home?” the woman asked.

“Oh, well…” Bucky looked back at Steve who had sat down with Tessa perched on his leg. Tessa was reaching for the stuffed bird (a gift from her Uncle Sam) that Steve was making dance in front of her. Bucky smiled and turned back to the crowd, “I was ecstatic. I mean, she’s my, um… my… my whole world. There’s no better feeling.”

“So you weren’t worried or anything?” was the follow up question.

“No, not really.” Bucky cleared his throat, “I mean. I was the one who wanted her. Not to say that Steve didn’t want a kid. But I was the uh, the one to bring it up. Y’know the idea of adopting a kid. Steve um, was… well, I had to keep reassuring him that everything would turn out okay. Like, it’s one thing to stop being an Avenger, officially. He could still go out and save the world if necessary. Didn’t feel any guilt leaving me alone for a few days. But a baby, well a baby would keep him home. Give him a reason to stay. He was afraid he would one day have to choose between the world and his family. But I think things are going well.”

The crowd applauded. Bucky backed away from the microphone and gave a small bow. He turned back to Steve ready to turn the attention on Captain America.

Steve stood up and placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, whispering praises. Tessa reached out to tug on Bucky’s hair while still holding onto the bird. Bucky held out the microphone in his hand to Steve when the next audience member spoke up.

“Actually my next question was also for Mr. Barnes.”

“Oh good,” Bucky replied. Steve placed a hand on the small of his back to push him back to center stage. And made a quick decision to hand over Tessa after she wouldn’t let go of Bucky’s hair.

“Were afraid the first time you held Tessa?”

Bucky looked at Tessa who was paying him no attention as she babbled away to her bird. “No. I have never been nervous in general around babies. I had three younger sisters so I was constantly around babies growing up. And like I said, I wanted her. There were a lot of emotions going on but… none of them were…um, anxiety inducing you could say.”

Bucky smiled after that answer, proud with himself. He hadn’t done much talking to the public in his life, especially since he had left Hydra. Sure he had been seen. He was married to Captain fucking America after all. But holding onto Steve’s arm like a dame would back in the forties was nothing like what he had just done.

He didn’t notice that the person who asked that particular question hadn’t moved from the microphone.

“So you didn’t think about your metal arm when you first held her?”

Bucky almost jumped at that question. He immediately dropped his metal arm which he had just brought up to pet Tessa’s cheek. She started to fuss a little.

“Oh,” Bucky bounced Tessa a little to settle her down, “I didn’t… I don’t…I uh…”

“I mean it’s hard and cold and metal. You didn’t think about that with your baby?”

Bucky had no answers for the question. He couldn’t imagine those thoughts not entering his head. How stupid he had been for touching his daughter with this… this weapon attached to his side. How stupid he had been for not even thinking about it in the year his daughter had been alive.

Someone stood up from the crowd and shouted at the stage, “Who let the deadly Winter Soldier have a baby anyway?”

“Deadly?” he squeaked. His head spun and felt fuzzy at the same time. He clutched the microphone in his left hand, he felt it bend under his grip; the horrifying power of that arm reentering his mind.

Tessa stared crying. Bucky’s attention immediately turned to her. He realized he had been squeezing her leg too hard with his right hand; his real hand. The man was right. He was deadly. And it wasn’t just because of the metal arm. His strength came from Hydra; from the serum. The miracle that had healed his husband and kept himself alive after the fall was responsible for hurting his daughter: his world.

He felt like crying. Felt like running. He needed to get away. He wasn’t sure from whom. Maybe himself.

Bucky felt a hand on his back and was subtly aware of Steve prying the microphone out of his hand to balance it back on the stand. He let Steve take Tessa. Captain America announced something to the crowd, took Bucky’s hand and lead him off the stage.

“You still awake?” Steve asked into the darkness of their room, holding his hand out in front of Bucky.

After the part successful-part disastrous event, Steve opted out of staying in DC for the night and took the three of them back to Brooklyn. He knew Bucky needed to be surrounded by the familiarity of their home and not the cold interior of a hotel room.

“Yep,” Bucky answered, taking Steve’s hand and pressing it to his lips.

“Afraid of nightmares?” Steve assumed.

“I don’t know what I’m afraid of,” Bucky confessed, “Myself, I think.”

“There’s no star on your arm, Bucky,” Steve said with a yawn, “It’s not Hydra’s.”

“Still a cold, strong metal arm, Stevie. What’s your point?”

“You didn’t kill anyone with it.”

“It held a gun in Wakanda. Killed a bunch of aliens. Living beings who may have had their own Stevie and Tessa back home: a family they never got to see again or say goodbye to.” Bucky sniffed and used Steve’s hand to wipe his nose.

Steve made a face and pulled his hand back, “Those aliens were sacrificing themselves, Buck. Throwing themselves into the forcefield at the hopes that one or two of those millions would get through. It was a suicide mission.”

“Still killed them,” Bucky shrugged.

“So did I, Bucky. So did Sam and Nat. Rhodey, Bruce, Thor, T’Challa. We fought to keep each other alive. And I think it worked.”

“I killed babies, Stevie,” Bucky said after a few minutes of silence, “Like human babies. Some people may kill their target but leave innocent beings like babies and children— but not Hydra. No. They saw everything as a threat: even the most tiny and innocent babies. So I killed them. And I didn’t feel a damn thing.”

Steve got up from the bed and returned with Tessa, placing her on Bucky’s chest.

“Do you feel this, Bucky?”

Bucky looked down at his daughter, who was peacefully asleep; unaware she had been removed from her crib at all.  
“Hey, Tessie,” He whispered, touching her soft hand, “hey, baby. Daddy loves you so much. So much.”

He kissed her head and held her to his chest with his left hand. Steve placed his own hand on top of Bucky’s.

“We adopted her, Buck,” Steve reminded, “She shouldn’t be here as much as we shouldn’t be here. But the universe has its reason for bringing us to this place. And my reason will always be right here.”

“Such a sap,” Bucky groaned, but smiled as he kissed Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it.  
I feel like, so far, Bucky has seemed pretty put together and composed. This story kind of shows that he's more insecure than he appears to the rest of the world, and even to Steve.


End file.
